


Imperial Servant

by The_Worlds_Tallest_Leprechaun



Category: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Angry Ranting, Crossover, Demon Summoning, F/M, Magical Shenanigans, Multi, Nice Demons, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-08 05:42:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13451712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Worlds_Tallest_Leprechaun/pseuds/The_Worlds_Tallest_Leprechaun
Summary: What exactly is wrong with Ranma Saotome's love life-BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh God, I wasn't gonna finish that with a straight face!  But anyway, here's an idea...





	1. Prologue

Welcome, one and all, to a relatively short fic that I'd like to share with you as a very belated Christmas present. I'll admit that I might be jumping the gun a bit, (not as much as I did on Reformations though. Shouldn't have let off that second chapter so early…) because this story is not FINISHED at the moment. It's rather short though, and I've got quite a few pieces down pat, so there shouldn't be  _as_ **much** of a problem regarding 'the writer was beaten into a coma with a block'.

This story, is based on an idea I've seen only recently regarding Ranma's 'attitude' towards women. Early fics I grew up reading like Shampoo ½, Girl Days, and others never brought up this idea and I think it makes a bit of sense…

Except it gets used as a cheap excuse for why Ranma isn't acting OOC by acting like a semi-suave ladies man around girls,  _and_  it's always around girls who aren't members of the NWC.

I know I'm being mysterious, but those who've read the same fics I have will know what I'm talking about before the 'big reveal', which will be in a later chapter.

Point is, I think something that is rather serious deserves more than a half-assed excuse for OOC behavior, heavy bashing of the Wrecking Crew, and never shows their reactions to the…thing.

Again, apologize for the vagueness, but I'm trying to build some suspense here, lol.

Anyway, let's see what's wrong with Ranma Saotome's love life, and how it all started with a well-meaning idiot who was willing to perform a malevolent act against what he believed to be a far greater evil.

I do not own Ranma ½ or the characters from that series in any way, shape or form.

Also, while this isn't a crossover  _per se_ , I take no credit for the character "Dabbler" from the webcomic Grrlpower, who I have shamelessly borrowed for this story. (Go read it and worship the Pimp-Hand of Doom that is Maxima Leander.)

* * *

Imperial Servant  
**Prologue**

**OOOOOO**

Hikaru Gosunkugi, voodoo novice of Nerima Tokyo, steeled his wits as he prepared to enact the ritual. Unlike every other ritual he'd performed…actually pretty much  _exactly_  like every other ritual he'd performed in his life, the occult-obsessed teenager knew in his heart that this would work and prove his abilities as a powerful sorcerer.

In the equipment shed just off of Furinkan high school soccer field/arena, because  **any**  location in Nerima was a potential arena, the preparations for his summoning ceremony were completed. A pentagram enclosed in a circle had been painted on the floor with a red, viscous fluid and each of the 5 corner points were lit by 5 candles of varying make and lengths. Eyeing the smallest of the candles apprehensively and praying that the wax being in the shape of the number 3 wouldn't disrupt the arcane energies involved, Hikaru stood up and swallowed loudly before bringing out the twice folded piece of printer paper with a series of  _hiragana_ and  _katakana_ on it. Steeling his nerves, he began to recite in a slightly quavering voice:

" _I, Gosunkugi Hikaru, master of the sorcerous arts, do call into the astral plane!"_

" _I call the attention of those who dwell beyond, to grant me that which I desire!"_

" _I send my voice into the next world, to summon the one who would grant my wish!"_

" _I summon the succubus, Xuriel Tanthalas!"_

He paused, his eyes flicking from left-to-right while looking like a royal herald making an announcement, before he slowly turned his head to look around the interior of the shed. After a few moments of silence, he gave a heartfelt, disappointed sigh that seemed to come from his toes and visibly sagged.

"Dammit…I was  _sure_  that would work…" Hikaru said despondently as he slowly turned around and made to leave the shed. "Guess I'll have to go back to researching…"

Before he'd gone a few steps, Hikaru stopped, as the shadow of his thin frame was backlit against the closed door of the shed, from a flickering red light coming from somewhere behind him. Very slowly, he turned back around, his jaw and eyes widening comically to find a 6-foot tall swirling portal of flame hovering over his amateurish altar. The fires darkened as they flowed towards the interior of the oval, until there was a 3 foot tall spot of pure darkness which seemed to drink in the ambient light of both the deep orange fire surrounding it, as well as the faint flickering of the candles and the sunlight streaming in through a window above the rack of basketballs on the wall to his left.

Before the thought that he succeeded in performing a magic spell truly sank in, the darkness parted, and Hikaru's jaw all but fell off his head as a  _creature_  stepped through.

The being before him was rather tall, looking to be a few inches taller than the portal it had emerged from and had a curvy, feminine body. Its skin was light purple, with small blue bands running horizontally across its body, legs, and arms roughly every 4-5 inches. Her arms appeared normal in shape, save that there were  _four_  of them, while her shapely thighs and calves ended in a pair of cloven hooves in place of feet. Her hair was deep blue and her eyes were heterochromatic, one blue and one green, and there were a pair of ram's horns peaked out from her temples, somehow framed by green 'antenna' protruding from her eyebrows, which ended in two fan-like 'ears'.

In a moment, Hikaru took the tableau in before the demoness noticed him and smiled sunnily. While that was almost enough to make the affection-deficient boy swear eternal gratitude, he suddenly realized that he'd summoned a succubus.

Said realization was because it finally clicked that the demon's body was curvaceous and titillating in a way that drew his eyes towards her generous assets, and it was very easy for him to take stock of said assets because she was  _stark-freaking-naked_.

The fleeting question of why he didn't notice that before, along with the fact that her hair color was natural, flew through his mind seconds before he did the only logical thing he  _could_  do in this situation.

Xuriel blinked at the sight of the ghoulish-looking boy who'd summoned her, flat on his back with twin streams of blood flowing out of his nose. Wondering how the unlit candles strapped to his head hadn't been dislodged when he collapsed, the succubus took stock of her surroundings, and looked incredulously at the assorted sports equipment before muttering, "Wow…either he's  _really_  desperate, or he's got some kinda kink."

Then she looked down and did a double-take as she saw the platform of her arrival. Looking incredulously from the open paint can to the messy pentagram on the floor, and finally to the wide assortment of candles ringing her. Xuriel's eye twitched at the sight of a slightly runny birthday candle and amended her previous statement by adding, " _Definitely_  desperate," Before returning her attention to her unconscious summoner and musing aloud, "Bet there's a hell of a story behind this."

After saying a few words in a language that Hikaru would have willingly killed to learn a single word of, Xuriel was clad in a pink halter-top and matching booty shorts and strolled over to the collapsed teenager. Her hooves clip-clopping across the cement as she reached him, the succubus grabbed the lapels of his shirt and lifted him up off the ground, his toes dangling over the floor as she gave him a few light slaps across the face and declared, "Wake up, skinny boy! Your demon has arrived!"

Awareness returned rather quickly to Gosunkugi once he realized he was floating in the air, and he groggily stared at the demon he'd summoned. After a few moments, tears began pouring down his face, prompting Xuriel to sweatdrop worriedly and say, "Hey, don't worry, I'm not gonna—"

"It worked," Hikaru sniffled. "It worked! I finally did it! I used a magic spell!" A low wail of joyful relief leapt out of him as he cried out, " _I cast a spell!_  I'm not a failure of a wizard!"

Understanding, if not an insignificant amount of pity, came to Xuriel and her smile turned warmer as she set him down and patted his shoulder. "That you did, kid. Congratulations." After a few awkward moments of him sniffling in silence, the succubus placed her two lower hands on her hips and laced her upper hands behind her head, calling attention to her ample bosom as she cocked her hip suggestively and purred, "So, you wanted me. Now you got me, skinny boy. What's your pleasure?"

His crying over, Hikaru wiped his face on a handkerchief before looking at her quizzically. "My pleasure?"

Xuriel's eye twitched, but she didn't lose her pose. "What did you summon me for?"

Not being the most observant mole to poke his head out of the astroturf and into the path of a lawnmower, Hikaru missed the neon sign proclaiming that she was expecting him to demand she ' _service'_  him as any demon summoner would normally have a succubus do. Even if he had noticed, he would have turned her down once he'd woken up from a second nosebleed, as he had a more important and noble task for her.

Straightening up, Hikaru's face set in a grim expression and he declared in what was  _almost_  an authoritative tone, "I summoned you to destroy Saotome Ranma."

Xuriel blinked, her hands coming away from her head as she said quizzically, "Wait, what?"

"There's a boy here, named Saotome Ranma, and I want you to destroy him."

The succubus regarded him for several moments, a frown slowly spreading across her face as her eyes narrowed and she crossed both pairs of arms. "Let me tell you something, whatever-your-name-is,"

"Gosunkugi Hikaru."

"Gesundheit. If you want some kind of bully taken care of, you  _could_  have taken care of it yourself with some pushups or some kind of poltergeist. Succubus' usually aren't built for this sort of thing."

"I know," Gosunkugi nodded in agreement. "But I don't want you to destroy Ranma physically. I want you to destroy his reputation."

One of Xuriel's eyebrow/ear-tenna quirked up. "Oh?"

"He's a violent thug, who's rude to everyone he meets, and that goes double for Tendo Akane, his fiancée!" Hikaru's voice choked on rage and sorrow as he lowered his eyes. "She's so pure and innocent but he treats her like dirt! And he's a master martial artist who has all kinds of girls chasing after him, and they're all martial artists too! If I summoned something to fight him, he'd just beat it somehow!"

As the reedy boy moaned piteously at the injustice of it all, Xuriel's scowl deepened and she silently wondered, (What kind of guy is so strong this kid couldn't even risk calling a  _kyton_ or a  _cornugon_ to take this Sato-whoever out?) She pursed her lips and took in her summoner again. (Then again, his mojo might be too weak to call on a heavy-hitter, since I wouldn't have shown up if he hadn't used my true name. And if he's so desperate he didn't even put in a life  _or_  voice-binding clause in the ritual, it's a good thing he had enough sense to call a succubus rather than one of them.)

"Okay, I'll help you."

Hikaru stopped mid-tale of woe, and looked up at the succubus in wide-eyed surprise. "Y-you will?"

Xuriel nodded in affirmation. "Yeah, this Ron guy sounds like a major asshole, and I don't mind knocking him down a few pegs." She then ruffled Gosunkugi's hair gently and smiled. "Besides, it's rare to get called on for a good deed rather than a roll-in-the-hay or a decadent orgy, so I'll call this a freebie. What's this guy look like, and where is he?"

Hikaru was blushing brightly at the 'decadent orgy' bit of Xuriel's last statement and stammered, "Ahh, he's got black-hair and a pigtail…and he's wearing a red shirt and black pants, and last I saw, he was with Tendo Akane near a big tree around that way." he gestured somewhere behind him and to the right.

"Alright then," Xuriel replied before walking past him towards the door of the shed and adding, "I'll get right on it."

The sudden thought of Xuriel strolling around Furinkan High made Hikaru seize in fear. Insane asylum or not, the residents of Nerima would  _definitely_  notice a 6-foot, four-armed demon with purple skin, and he spun on his heel as he shouted, "Where are you going!? You can't go out like that?!"

Xuriel stopped and gave the wannabe sorcerer an incredulous look before making a strange, waving gesture with her hands and saying something in a language he couldn't identify. The air around her wavered like in a high heat for a moment, then Hikaru gaped at what looked like a picture perfect copy of himself, down to the wrinkles in his shirt and the candles on his head. The disguised succubus declared, in his voice no less, "This isn't my first rodeo, kid. I know what I'm doing." before opening the door to the shed and stepping into the sunlight.

**-O-**

Cologne's eyes narrowed as she set the wok pan down on the kitchen countertop next to the oven. She'd been preparing for the afternoon rush in lieu of waiting for her great-granddaughter and the part-timer to return from visiting her son-in-law, though Shampoo was going for a visit, while Mousse was following along to 'protect' his beloved from the amazon's rightful husband.

As the elder Amazon turned and cast her gaze towards the spike of arcane power which had flared from Furinkan high school moments ago, she mused, "Hopefully the part-timer can do something useful for once, and keep whatever abomination that was summoned away from Shampoo until I get there." And reached for her staff.

**-AN-**

**So, have I lost anyone yet? Didn't think so, just thought I'd check to make sure.**

**The reason for Dabbler being in this is as a direct homage to Grrl Power, as her powerset was what gave me the idea for this story, especially the hilarifying scene that will be occurring later. (Hilariously horrifying. Yes, it's a word!…shut up…) For all intents and purposes though, she's JUST a succubus, and not connected to any sort of superhero group.**

**Also,** _ **kyton**_   **and** _ **cornugon**_   **are D &D demons, the former being the ultimate S in S&M and wears nothing but chains, while the other is akin to a flesh-and-blood a Balrog. And no, I have no idea if Ranma could beat either in a fight.**

**This series will be in SHORT chapters, just to keep from overloading too much into one scene or one setting, and it gives me plenty of padding to update at a reasonable pace.**

**The explanation for this madness, and Xuriel's encounters with the Nerima Wrecking Crew to follow soon…**


	2. Imperial Servant Chapter 1: Reputation

So, everyone enjoy themselves and looking forward to the next installment of Imperial Servant?

Well, tough shit, you're getting it anyway!

Also, to the Guest/First reviewer on FF-dot-net: Ranma  _isn't_  shagging anyone in this story—

(Maybe, MUWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!)

—but he has in other stories I've read, and while those situations  _can_ be written well, I haven't seen one yet which mixed the fairly important plot point of this fic, with a girl who isn't a member of the NWC,  **without**  bashing Nerima and it's inhabitants with a 30lbs club.

As for whether it's a story worth telling, you'll have to see for yourself.

* * *

Imperial Servant: Chapter 1  
**Reputation**

**OOOOOO**

Xuriel Tanthalas wondered how her life had come to this.

Shortly after leaving behind the skinny boy who'd called on her for some noble quest, which she intended to take very seriously as succubi are  _rarely_  summoned for those and her success could open a whole new avenue for demonesses like her, Xuriel had glamoured up an alluring combination features in what passed for a girl's uniform around here and went looking for her target. She'd homed in on Ranma immediately thanks to Hikaru's description, and assumed that the girl with short-cut blue hair he was sitting with was his fiancée. AKA, the damsel in distress that she was supposed to ' _rescue'_  by dragging the pigtailed boy's name through the mud. With her summoner's heartbroken moans echoing in her ears, Xuriel chose to sacrifice subtlety in favor of expedience and playfully jumped into Ranma's lap before snuggling against him and purring about how wonderful he'd been last night.

What she'd expected, was stammering objections and pointed questions as the seeds of suspicion take root while the other students around them would spread the word, letting rumors finish the job without needing to get her hands dirty. Not that she would have minded too much, because violent cheater or not, her target  _was_  quite fit and rather handsome.

Instead, all hell had broken loose as Ranma didn't have a chance to do more than gape in shock before his ' _kind and gentle'_  fiancée was on her feet, a wooden hammer appearing in her hand from out of nowhere as she swung back and shouted, "Ranma! You  _pervert!_ "

Xuriel barely manage to leap out of the way with a startled ' _yipe!'_  before the hammer was brought down where she and her victim had been sitting, while the boy himself was up and dodging around his fiancée's wild swings as he shouted in a panic, "I've never seen her before! Stop it, ya tomboy!"

"A likely story, you lech! Take your punishment like a man!"

The succubus had a second to wonder of the pair's relationship was a good deal rougher and possibly kinkier than her summoner realized when three boys joined in on the fracas. One was a tall brunette wearing a dark blue  _hakama_  and wielding a  _bokuto_ , who shouted, ' _Foul sorcerer!'_  at the top of his lungs as he started jabbing his stick at the pigtailed teen. The second also had brown hair, save it was long enough to be tied in a waist-length ponytail and he was wearing a typical boy's uniform. Also, he was armed with what looked like a giant spatula, which he swung around like a polearm at the bouncing lothario while shouting, ' _How could you get_ another  _fiance?!'_  The third boy startled Xuriel by bursting out of the ground a few feet away from her, his backpack, weatherbeaten yellow shirt and speckled bandana smudged with dirt as he asked if they were in Okinawa. Before she could answer, or even process his sudden appearance, the newcomer noticed the melee. After a moment of staring, a few choice phrases from Ranma's three attackers reached their ears and the mystery tunneler snarled angrily before shouting, ' _Ranma! I'll make you see hell!'_  and pulled a red bamboo umbrella from his pack before joining in.

As the fight amped up, the crowd she'd been expecting had formed. But instead of idle whispering, most of the students were commenting on the possible sources of the brawl, the likelihood of the three challengers to land a hit on her target and a myriad of other possibilities. All of which were being recorded and marked down by a coldly amused brunette in a pageboy cut who was taking bets from the assembled throng.

While Xuriel hadn't expected logic to return anytime soon, she was still dumbstruck when things  _somehow_  became even more insane, due to a man wearing a hawaiian shirt with a small palm tree sticking out of the top of his hair jumping out of a trapdoor in the ground, and shouting something about, ' _bad wahinis needing discipline!'_  And he was followed, metaphorically speaking, by a lilac-haired girl in a chinese pantsuit sailing over a nearby wall on a bicycle and a duck wearing coke-bottle thick glasses. The former added more fuel to the fire by shouting ' _Airen find new hussy?!'_  and pulling what looked like a beachball on a stick out from nowhere, while her pet quacked furiously and  _literally_  started winging throwing knives at the pigtailed boy, who continued to ricochet across the landscape like a superball on speed.

As the melee hit a fever pitch, Xuriel could only stare slack-jawed at the kung fu moshpit she'd provoked with a few words and quietly breathed, "What…have I done?"

With all that in mind, it was understandable that she was off her guard and caught completely flat-footed by what happened next.

**-O-**

Ranma swore as he evaded another of Kuno's strikes by springing over a wild swing from Shampoo, and wondered what his old man had done this time that brought yet another girl around who threw herself at him the moment she saw him.

As his thoughts turned towards the source of the current mayhem, Ranma's eyes flicked towards same and his blood ran cold. Behind the wide-eyed brunette who was gaping at him like a landed fish, Shampoo's great-grandmother Cologne was approaching the newcomer with a dark scowl and  _very_  thinly suppressed killing intent. Realizing the old biddy was about to permanently remove a possible obstacle between him and Shampoo, Ranma flipped backwards and braced his feet on the branch of a nearby tree, using it as a launchpad to rocket at the startled girl and grab her before Cologne made her move.

Swinging the girl into a bridal carry, Ranma skidded to a halt several yards away from Cologne and glared furiously at her, his outrage at the attempted assassination blinding him to the look of pure bewilderment the strangely heavy girl was giving him as he shouted, "The  _hell_  do you think you're doin', you old ghoul!?"

"Saving your life, son-in-law," Cologne replied as she turned her stick with a quick hop to face him, while the rest of the Wrecking Crew marshalled themselves and came up behind her, either looking at her quizzically or glaring at Ranma as she added grimly, "Now get away from that thing."

Xuriel's musings on how a ' _selfish thug'_  could pull off a daring rescue were rudely interrupted by that, and she narrowed her eyes at the old crone as she muttered, " _Thing?_ " in a gravely offended tone while Ranma set her down and quickly stepped between the disguised succubus and what looked like a half-mummified goblin.

Seeing her husband's protective posture, Shampoo's knuckles whitened on the handles of her bonbori as she growled, "Airen, what you doing with new hussy?!"

"Saving her life!" Ranma snapped at the younger of the two amazons without taking his eyes off the older. "Cologne was going to kill her!"

"A likely story, sorcerer." Kuno snorted dismissively. "Why would this wizened crone harm yet another woeful victim of your dark arts?"

Ranma growled in irritation while Xuriel did a double-take, her attention temporarily caught by the ludicrous statement from the swordsman with an archaic speech impediment. Then the succubus found her attention drawn to Cologne as the old woman snapped, "Be quiet, fool! If you knew anything about real magic, you'd realize I'm trying to save everyone here from that abomination my idiot son-in-law is protecting!"

Kuno paused at that statement, looking back and forth between the old woman and the brunette as Ranma shouted, "What the hell are you talking about?!"

"That ' _girl'_  behind you is not a girl at all, son-in-law," Cologne replied seriously. "Its possibly the most powerful demon I've ever sensed in my life."

Ranma scoffed and opened his mouth.

"Wow, you must not get out much, huh granny?"

Ranma's retort, which was going to be far less eloquent than the sardonically amused one that came from behind him, died on his lips as he looked over his shoulder at the girl he was protecting. Confused by the odd rebuttal to Cologne's statement and why the girl was smiling pityingly at scowling amazon matriarch, the pigtailed boy asked, " _Nani?_  What did you say?"

Xuriel shook her head ruefully and rolled her eyes. "If  _I'm_  the most powerful demon she's ever seen, the old biddy must have spent most of her life in a cave somewhere. Then again," The succubus gave her newly appointed nemesis the thinnest, most  _backpfeifengesicht_  smirk she could manage. "That might be a good thing, 'cause the old bat's ticker probably couldn't handle it if she ever met a  _really_  powerful demon."

Noting and ignoring the sound of grinding teeth in front of him, Ranma kept his attention focused on the pretty but otherwise ordinary looking girl as he processed that. "Wait…are you really a—"

"Yeah yeah, I'm a demon, hellspawn, foul abomination," The girl rolled her wrists and groaned wearily. "Let's just pretend you had the standard freakout and move on, please?"

A low murmur rolled through the crowd, the assembled fighters and audience tensing up at that admission while the brunette adopted a friendly smile and held her hand out to her target-cum-savior. "The name's Dabbler. Nice to meet you."

Caught completely flat-footed by the supposed demon's cheerful demeanor, Ranma hesitantly returned, "Umm…hi?" and reached out to accept Dabbler's handshake.

"Son-in-law, STOP!" Cologne's harsh bark surprised Ranma and brought his attention to her as she shouted, "Get away from that thing!"

Xuriel shot Cologne and annoyed glare as she grabbed Ranma's hand and pumped it a few times in an exaggerated handshake. Satisfied that the social obligation for a standard greeting had been fulfilled, she let go and then used the same hand to flip old woman off. "Screw you, you old bitch! I'm just trying to be polite!"

Ranma looked down at his hand and back up to the girl. While not nearly to the same scale as Ryoga, the pigtailed boy was definitely lost as he repeated, "Polite?"

"Yeah, I figure we got off on the wrong foot with the whole falling-all-over-you thing," The brunette admitted with an apologetic grimace. "Sorry about that, by the way. No hard feelings?"

While Ranma tried to articulate a response to her apology, which was a once-in-a-blue-moon event to him, Akane took a few steps forward and snapped, "And what is  _that_  supposed to mean?"

Looking between the bluenette's scowl and the weapon she'd apparently pulled from some kind of dimensional pocket, Xuriel pursed her lips and replied cattily, "It's an apology? You know, something you say to someone when you screw up? You should try it sometime, it'd probably help your mood, Miss Bitchy."

While Akane let out an angry growl at the insult, Nabiki stepped out of the crowd of 'civilians'. Confident that the violence had been stalled long enough that there'd be ample warning before a renewed brawl, the middle Tendo sister gave the strange girl an appraising look as she said, "You'll have to excuse my little sister, Dabbler-san. She has a bit of a temper—"

"No shit."

The 'demons' interruption and the flare from her irate sibling's battle-aura were ignored as Nabiki went on. "—but she does have a point. Why are you apologizing to Ranma?"

Xuriel heaved a deep sigh, personally disgusted by what she was now realizing had been either a scam by a jilted lover, or a delusional fantasy created by a voyeur from afar. "Some  _idiot_  used a half-assed summoning ritual to call me up and asked me to trash his rep because, ' _Ranma's a horrible thug who mistreats his pure and innocent fiance'_. Needless to say, I'm  _really_  regretting indulging him right now since this is  _not_  the noble deed I signed on for."

Silence descended for a few moments as the group digested that, with Kuno being the first to break the silence by asking, "Noble deed?"

" _Indulging_  him?" Cologne added suspiciously.

"Horrible thug!?" Ranma spat angrily.

"Pure and innocent?!" Shampoo and Ukyo repeated simultaneously in disbelief, which earned the pair a furious glare from Akane.

Ignoring those questions in favor of the far more pertinent one, Nabiki asked, "Who's the ' _idiot'_  who summoned you?"

"That will do you no good, Tendo Nabiki," Cologne warned while keeping her eyes on the brunette with an utterly inhuman aura. "Demons are forbidden from speaking the name of those who called them, since the surest way to banish the creature is to slay it's summoner."

"Well, even if you are a racist witch, you got  _that_  right at least." Xuriel returned indifferently. "Which is more than I can say for my summoner, because he didn't put either of those bindings on me."

Cologne's brain stalled out and her eyes bugged as she gaped in shock at the blasé demon. "He…he didn't bind your voice?!  _Or_  your manifestation to his life!?"

"No and  _technically_  no," Xuriel affirmed and hedged with equal casualness. "I can say his name and I'm not manifesting right now, because he used my True Name for the ritual."

The information that there was someone stupid enough to both summon a demon without any restraints  **and**  with access to their full power nearly knocked the old woman off her perch as she screeched, "He  _WHAT!?_  Merciful ancestors, what in god's name was that fool thinking?!"

"Nothing, if I had to guess," Xuriel replied dryly. "I just thought he was in a hurry to stop Miss Pure and Innocent from marrying a cheating lothario, but  _obviously_  that isn't the case."

Ranma and Akane's irritation spiked at that, the latter because of her sister's rude snort and the disbelieving chuckles from her rivals, and the former at the crack on his integrity as he snidely asked, "Yeah? How'd you figure  _that_  out?"

"Hey, I apologized, remember?" Xuriel replied defensively, bringing one hand up in a placating gesture while the other waved at the assembled martial artists. "And considering I barely got two words out before these whackos jumped you, it was obvious that your rep is crappy enough without me throwing more fuel on the fire."

A wave of irritated mumbling and guilty looks spread among the Wrecking Crew at the demoness' admission, save for Nabiki, who politely prodded Dabbler by saying, "So, if you  _can_  say your summoner's name…"

Xuriel pursed her lips momentarily, before sighing and thumbing over her shoulder, "Skinny kid with candles strapped to his head named Hikaru Go-something. He's was in the equipment shed next to the soccer field the last I checked, but bring him here before you paste him so he can send me back. I don't want to miss out on happy hour."

A collective groan came from the students who were familiar with campus' creepy voodoo practitioner, while Nabiki nodded to two underlings who immediately left to fetch the cause of today's recent oddities. Cologne, curious and suspicious of how calm and collected Dabbler was at the idea of returning to the pit, asked pointedly, "They have 'happy hour' in Hell?"

"No, they have happy hour at the 5-star, clothing-optional resort I was staying at when I got summoned." Xuriel answered, crossing her arms in front of her and huffing angrily, "No good deed goes unpunished, I swear to Lucy…"

Several of the surrounding students blushed, smiled dopily, or started drooling at the mental images that statement conjured, while Akane's cheeks reddened and she spat, " _Hentai!"_  under her breath.

"And exhibit two for why I want out of here, being around people who are  _way_  too repressed."

Akane's indignant sputtering was ignored by Cologne, who continued to pump the deceptively honest hellspawn for information, and/or wait for creature to slip up and reveal it's true nature. "You  _really_  want to leave? When you're here in your physical body and there's nothing to stop you from rampaging indiscriminately?"

Xuriel narrowed her eyes at the Cologne and snapped, "I'm not  _that_  kind of demon, you old witch. And you've got a funny idea of ' _nothing'_ , considering…"

As the demon somehow managed to convey thick sarcasm with nothing but a slow, meaningful look at the collateral damage left by the earlier brawl, Cologne snorted, but kept silent. Her mind turned over several reasons for Dabbler's behavior, with the two most likely options being that she really did want to leave, or she was going to try and kill the idiot who called her before she could be banished. While hoping for the former and preparing for the latter, the amazon matriarch caught sounds of distress approaching from the back of the 'audience' that had yet to leave the spectacle. The crowd parted, the two girls who'd been sent away by Nabiki returned, each of them holding a pale, reedy boy by the back of his collar, who was trying to curl himself into a ball and whimpered fearfully while his feet dangled a few inches over the ground.

Gosunkugi, worried about what could have gone wrong and if he'd have to call up another demon when he got the chance, didn't register the presence of the shriveled ape perched on a staff before there was a blur of motion and said ape was in his face and scowling darkly. He flinched back, only to be yanked forward again with a pained ' _ite!'_  when the mummy pinched his chin hard and shouted, "Banish this creature  _now!_ "

"W-what!? What creature?!"

"Me, dippy." Xuriel answered, hands on her hips and posture radiating disapproval. "And don't bother playing dumb, they all know what you called me for."

"How!?" Hikaru cried out desperately. "What happened, Xuriel-san?!"

A small part of Cologne was elated to hear a demon's true name, as it was something of an occult grand prize, even for those who had no interest in trafficking with devils.

But her excitement was  _far_ outstripped by stunned outrage as the incompetent boy had blurted the name out in front of  _dozens of people_ , and her eye twitched in unison with the demoness' as the latter growled, "Don't use my real name, idiot! It's  _Dabbler_  right now, and they know because I told them!"

Gosunkugi gaped as his dream of glorious victory was utterly crushed and he wailed, "You  _told_ them?! Why!?"

"Because you  _lied_  to me about this guy being some kind of hyper-sexual maniac!" Xuriel snapped with a gesture to Ranma. "The only part you said that wasn't total BS was about him knowing kung-fu! But if today was any indication, he can't wink at a girl without someone trying to gouge his eyes out!"

"B-but, you said you'd stop him, Xuri—"

The fact that Cologne was stopping herself from braining the foolish teenager was the only reason she didn't react in time to stop Dabbler from snapping her wrist out and spitting out a string of unintelligible syllables. The two girls holding Gosunkugi promptly dropped him with shocked gasps as a golden band of light encircled his head, the briefest flash of black runes appearing before the entire display winked out. Stunned and cursing herself for such a screwup, Cologne watched the summoner frantically open and close his mouth, doubtlessly trying to break through the spell that had stolen any chance of removing the demon he'd summoned through non-violent means.

"I  _repeat,_ " Xuriel snapped furiously. "Stop using my goddamned  _name!_  If you don't start calling me Dabbler, I'll make this spell permanent! Got it?!"

Gosunkugi nodded frantically, and Dabbler sarcastically chirped, "Good boy!" as she snapped her fingers. Cologne blinked in surprise as the band re-appeared and splintered into motes of light that quickly winked out and let the inept summoner's terrified whimpers fill the air again. Since the demon had thrown away the perfect opportunity to run wild, the matriarch lent more credence to the idea that Dabbler honestly wanted to leave Nerima ASAP.

Nabiki, considering the utility of being able to silence anyone who annoyed her, smiled slyly and asked half-seriously, "Wow, don't suppose you'd be willing to teach me that?"

"Maybe when my vacation's done."

The brunette did a double-take, while several people within earshot paled as they considered the same idea that had flicked through the Ice Queen's head a moment ago. While that mental horror show was going on, Xuriel rolled her wrist in a get-on-with-it gesture and said, "I haven't got all day, skinny boy. Hurry up and un-summon me."

Devastated at the betrayal, Hikaru blubbered sorrowfully, "W-why!? You said you'd help me! Saotome's so mean to Akane, and he doesn't even try to hide all these girls chasing after him!"

"That's 'cause I'm too busy tryin' to hide  _from_  them, you jackass!" Ranma fired out angrily. "And they're chasin' me cause I keep runnin' away from 'em! I'm not a damn lothario!"

"Bull."

"Lies and heresy."

"Quack."

" _Sure_ , Ranchan."

"Airen should be more honest."

"Jerk."

While Ranma twitched angrily at the comments from the Wrecking Crew and the disbelieving scoffs among the students, Xuriel gestured to him and snapped at Hikaru. "And  _that_  is why I'm done here! You made him sound like a golden boy who tricks people into thinking he walks on water, not someone who's got a dozen people waiting to tear him a new ass!" Frowning in displeasure due to her attempted noble deed being a pipedream, she finished sullenly, "So thanks for nothing, but you can consider this favor revoked. Now, use the banishing anchor so I can get back to the  _mai-tais_."

Hikaru's sniffles slowly ended, his sadness replaced by the quick acceptance that yet  _another_  attempt to save his beloved had failed, before his demon's request sank in and he gave her a blank look. "Banishment anchor?"

Shampoo let out a shocked, ' _Hiba-chan!?'_  when her great-grandmother hit the ground, prompting startled and worried looks towards the old woman who'd fallen off her staff. Thankfully, it was only because of pure surprise that Cologne had fallen rather than something more serious, though her spiking blood-pressure could change that at any moment. At the same time, Xuriel reacted to Gosunkugi's question like a cheerleader in a slasher flick who just heard a floorboard creak nearby, her body going rigid and eyes widening in horror as she breathed, "Oh no. No, no, no, do  _not_  tell me you forgot the banishing anchor, you complete and utter  _moron_."

" _Anno_ …banishing anchor, Dabbler-san?" Nabiki asked hesitantly, taking a half-step back since it looked like Hikaru had triggered another wave of violence.

"The lynchpin to any summoning ritual," Xuriel answered in quiet, flat-to-the-point-of- _dead_  tone, a tic developing in the corner of her eye as she processed the fact that her summoner had done the sorcerous equivalent using yellow-cake uranium to make a potato clock. "A way that keeps a demon summoning stable  _and_  a phrase that can send it back to where it came from in seconds. It's the  _ultimate_  safety catch, and every book on summoning demons  **starts**  with those so some yokel doesn't unleash a goddamn  _tarrasque_  without a way to get rid of it! It's  **pre-school**  grade sorcery and I  _refuse_  to believe this idiot forgot something that even a  **child**  could remember!"

The demoness' voice didn't quite reach the level of a screech as her rant finished, but it was definitely loud enough to get her point across to the whole of the group. As every eye turned onto Hikaru, the nervously sweating summoner got to his feet and cleared his throat with an audible gulp before asking, "A-are you sure about that? I didn't read anything about those in my books."

"Then you shouldn't have been able to call me," Xuriel intoned in a low voice. "Because in any  _legitimate_  summoning tome, the first half-a-dozen  **chapters**  are entirely devoted to making them!"

"Oh…that's why…"

Xuriek froze mid-twitch as Hikaru's abashed statement locked down her higher brain functions. "What."

"I…I thought those chapters were for people who wanted to be exorcists, not summoners," Hikaru gave a nervous, stress-induced laugh as he slowly backed away from the group. "So I kinda…skipped them?"

Up until this point, Ranma had doubts about Dabbler's claims of being a demon, as she seemed pretty normal and levelheaded regarding recent events. Magic circles around jackass wannabe wizards notwithstanding.

Said doubts were dispelled when a red light flared next to the brunette, and suddenly the 'normal' girl was holding a black, vicious-looking double-edged sword. Similar to a claymore in shape, the blade was black and shining like it had been forged out of volcanic glass rather than metal, with jagged spikes running intermittently along both edges. With all that thrown together with the glowing red runes adorning the hilt, it was clear that he wasn't looking at a weapon as much as a tool for slaughter.

The mass of people were stunned into near paralysis by the blade's appearance, and in the utter silence that drifted through the schoolyard, Xuriel's eyes met Hikaru's and she intoned one word with perfectly composed calm.

" **DIE."**

**-AN-**

**Thanks to those who helped me spellcheck and clean up this chapter, so I didn't embarrass myself regarding typos and other amateurish mistakes.**

_**backpfeifengesicht =**_ " **A face in dire need of a fist". One reason why German can be a goddamn** _ **vünderful**_   **language.**  ("We found a fucking word for that. You're welcome.")

**Speaking of amateurish; now that I've made a serious rewrite of this chapter, Gosunkugi's slightly valid excuse for why he didn't use a banishing anchor has gone kaput. Honestly, I'm a bit frustrated with myself for not thinking of that the first time around, because 'not buying certain books' isn't** _ **that**_   **dumb at first blush. At least, not compared to** ' _ **I skipped the first dozen chapters to get to the important stuff'**_ **.** (For comparison, Genma was an idiot with the Neko-ken, but he was reading a manual that had been written by someone even more stupid for not putting the warnings on the very first page. And yes, that means Hikaru Gosunkugi surpassed Genma Saotome for sheer idiocy.)


End file.
